I just want to...

I am getting so tired of trying to meet the standards of this world. I just want to be a servant, to help people, to bring joy to the world, not for my benefit but to glorify God and through that...being pleased with my work. 

I am searching for a job to begin in January and although I know it is still 2 months away...I am becoming discouraged. I do not want to work a job that is self-satisfying (working my way up the corporate ladder, making lots of money), I just want to help people. But then I have to think of rent, bills, and food. I have so many ideas of what I want to do but I can't pick just one and I keep thinking in the back of my mind...how are we going to make it?

These are my passions:

I want to teach Leadership to teenagers, how to cope in the world and lead by example

I want to coordinate events for godly marriages and ministries

I want to capture the beauty of this world through photographs of landscape and share it with others

I want to help the needy find homes

I want to encourage people

I want to feed people

I just want to love

BUT I am still struggling with the fact that it isn't what I want...it is what God wants me to do. But when I read this list I think "ok God, why wouldn't you want me to do these things? Why aren't there opportunities for me right now?" I cry out to Him and ask for His guidance and patience...it is hard.